Having Lost...

Early in the morning, the moment I stepped into the pantry...I was greeted by a couple of colleagues from the finance dept. They've always seen me doing overtime during my attachment period. And so she asked: You're still here?! Are you the only student left working temp here? She always has this astonished tone in her everytime she speaks, dunno why.

Nope, I wasn't the only one left working here. But somehow, I felt this way, like I'm the only one left. I'm working as usual, the engineers & designers are busy as usual, the settings' as usual. But things are different...just different. Two empty seats~where Pearl & WX used to sit and I used to pop by during breaks. Now, I'd just stare at the cubicle for a moment everytime I pass by. An empty pantry I'd walk into to refill my bottle. The world goes on like everybody can live without anybody. That's working life.

Sometimes I wonder: The more you have, the more you're afraid of losing. If you have too much money, you'll fear someone robbing you or you may just lose it. If you're attached to someone, you'll fear someone taking him/her away or he/she may just leave you. There's so much people I love and care for in my life. Will I lose them eventually? Even at times when I'm so overcomed by joy for too long, I'll stop to think if something unhappy will befall soon, if my happiness is just shortlived. I feel so vulnerable. If there's nothing I have, there's nothing to lose. Losing can be painful. I'm in a paranoid mood again.