I'm slow...demoralised

Yeah, totally demoralised after meeting up with Prof Butler yesterday. Aargh! just realised how slow I am in my FYP. Damn! I haven't even got my hands-on on AFM!!! Guess I've taken too passive a role in my FYP for the past one and a half months. To me, my FYP's like everything~the thing that determines my fate in getting my honours or just a merit or just a pass. But in actual fact, what I'm researching and working on is just peanuts compared to the big picture of creating bioscaffolds for cell culture. Nobody'll feel gan jiong except me. I'm so stupid, should have gone round bugging my professor, technician, masters or PHD students...whatsoever! Instead, I was just reading up information while waiting for some "green light" for working on AFM. I just hate myself for being so passive sometimes. Sux..I'm feeling resentful these days. Angry with myself.

Well, Prof Butler's going away for 3 whole weeks for some conference in US and holiday with his wife...so shiok! And the masters student guiding me will not be available for 2 weeks too. I must make good use of this period of time and catch up! I wanna prove my worth! I'm going start off characterizing various stuff to get the hang of AFM before I'm going to work on my sample that'll come later. The sample costs $800/ply! Gosh! That's too expensive to ruin~if I'd ever ruin any, I hope not. And Prof Butler says that $800/ply sample is not the real stuff that I need to work on...the real thing's some pig's oesophagus that has been decellularised. I wonder how much that'll cost...hmm. There's so much things to do! *Scream!!!* My 1 week break next week is no break for me:( Maybe I'd really turn into a geek or some nerd real soon...'get married' to the Atomic Force Microscopy. Yeah right, I'm getting attached to AFM soon...sad case.